Thursday, September 3, 2015

How would you feel if you’re a guy…

Image via pinterest

It was a couple of months back. I was lying on the couch at home when this sudden urge to take a stroll outside hit me. I glanced up my pink wall clock and saw that it was 6:30 pm. A slight glimmer of dusk was seen outside my window. I debated whether I should go on the stroll or not.

Now or Never, I thought, slipped into a pair of leggings and sneakers and darted out the house with a pullover and cellphone with the earphones plugged in. 

I crossed a small wooden bridge alongside the Minister’s enclave in Motithang and walked up towards Sangaygang.

At the base of Sangaygang, children were playing at the outdoor gym. Some were cycling uphill, huffing and puffing. Young couples were walking their dogs and older men and women were strolling around. I bumped into a college mate on his evening run.

With my earphones still plugged in, I climbed the hill. Normally I walk up straight on the road. But that evening, I thought I will challenge myself to hike up. 

The time on my wristwatch showed 6:45 pm. I reassured myself that I’d be able to reach the hilltop before dusk. It took me exactly an hour to reach the hilltop. Darkness engulfed me. I switched on my cellphone’s torch and started walking downhill.

No one was seen there. All of them had returned home. 

I quickened my pace and took the shortest route as much as possible. As I was nearing the base, three men emerged all of a sudden from a nearby bush. They kept walking behind me.

Almost instantly, my heart swelled and started thumping louder. I could feel it on my throat. I took off my earphones and started jogging, pretending that I’m cool about it. I kept my thumb on the speed dial on the cellphone ready to call and scream.

What was I worried about?
These men did not do anything to me.

They must have gone somewhere and probably must be on their way home. But. But my female natural instinct? When alone at night is to be fearful. To feel anxious, weak, fearful, vulnerable and alert.

Women feel scared and vulnerable when alone at night. If a guy walks behind us, we feel being followed, vulnerable even if he doesn’t say or do anything particularly threatening. If a guy try to smile to make us feel comfortable, it may come off as creepy. I’m not sure what males could do to make us feel less scared in situations like that.

It’s such a sad world that we live in. As a girl, I have been taught to be vulnerable, not to trust strangers and not to walk home alone at night. And we pass on the same advice to our daughters, niece, girlfriends, mothers. 
I’m curious about how men feel? When you see a woman alone at night. Whether you make a woman worried or nervous. Whether you’re afraid that you’re making the other one afraid. This makes the men seem not trustworthy. 
Then again, there really is nothing for them to do. 

I’d love to hear the perspectives from men.


  1. I know that feelings, love. It's inbuilt reaction and in addition society has somehow influenced us to react in this way. Thank God! Nothing bad happened. Take care. Missing you, love

    1. Its weird that society imposes certain things on us.

      I shared this anecdote with a couple of girlfriends and I was warned not to repeat that. Well, I respect their concern for me but it blows me away totally that there really is nothing that I(we) can do about this perception. Except to stay put inside when darkness falls.

      I hope Uni must be good with you. Miss you much.

  2. First thing first, I, despite being a guy, was scared to read from the very beginning that you are going for a hike late. I was scared, give the reputation that area has gained over the years. Even I hesitate to go alone :) . . Secondly, you cant trust guy's mind at this hour, I would definitely run. Thirdly, its always better to be safe than sorry. Mindset here, still needs sometime to mend. Be safe!!

    1. Thank you Che on your perspectives on this. Appreciated much.

    2. Welcome and be safe...Take care ..

  3. Very interesting piece of writing. Women's natural instinct to fear men. I feel it's natural n doesn't have to necessarily come from their parents conditioning affects. But in your case, it simply calls for carefulness and presence of mind. And if possible, avoid troubles from the beginning. being out alone in the darkness is looking for trouble. If the guys are intoxicated or little more excited for any reason, they could have read anything in your condition. You are lucky nothing happened.

    1. Yes, I'm lucky nothing happened. I feel forever blessed that women are pretty safe in our parts of the world as long as one doesn't let the guards down.

  4. I know the feeling, Rekha. Its better to be careful in these matters than careless.

    1. Thank you ma'am. I've been avoiding strolls at night alone.

  5. Nice post. I guess it It depends, some guys are good and some bad. if you are unlucky and you meet those bad guys on a wrong time then you will be in trouble.
    But i'm happy nothing happened to you that evening. Take care and be safe.

    1. Totally! It depends like you said. I was fortunate that evening. :)


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