For reasons unknown, I always have difficulty in the beginning of the year. I find myself struggling a lot. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, I struggle to run errands. I struggle to read and write - the refuge to my thoughts. The creative juice seems to stop flowing altogether.
The sail isn’t that smooth. I went through my archives on the blog for the past years and it confirmed my doubt. I have always written dark posts in January. I don’t know why that happens. Perhaps it’s the dark, cold and long winter months. Perhaps it’s the dry weather. Or the promise of a snowfall which tires my heart from waiting.
When heading home at the end of a tiring day at work, my colleague always remark, ‘oh it’s so dry in winter, everything seems lifeless.’ I nod my head in agreement with a little hmmm sound as I scan the brazen tall, thin trees around, plastered with scowling faces staring at me. I stare right back at them with a look of annoyance. That air of confidence is long lost in everybody because everyone seems crippled with the dreadful cold winter.
Another dear friend says he wants to do nothing but drink whiskey and pass the long winter nights in front of a fireplace. ‘And turn an alcoholic by the time winter is over?’ I joke at him.
It’s a struggle altogether. I have been meaning to find a WORD for the year. I struggled in that as well. Until yesterday afternoon, when I was out for a walk up the hills, closer to the mountains that an epiphany hit me. Yes, I found the WORD. It’s POSITIVITY.
I like to think that I’m a positive person. Whenever something unpleasant occurs I try to shrug it off and focus on the good things. After all, you only live once and life is too precious to be wasted on negative energy and thoughts. But this year I’d like to assert more on it.
Like a thunder and lightning before the rain, winter is here before the bountiful spring reappears and warmth and life all around is restored. It won’t be long before I get to see the flower buds and feel the warm air on my face. I shall close my eyes then and let the air fiddle with my hair.
On these cold nights, I shall look at the moon hanging like silver earring in a black sky and realize that life is glorious. And that I have no business to take it granted. As I mark my calendar every day, I’m hopeful that I will get to hear something good very soon. That my hard work would be paid off. I’m positive that even if I don’t get rewarded, I will always have a better tomorrow, for God has a plan for me.
For it’s about the perseverance you have in life. For it’s the new day you get to live and experience. For it’s the gratitude and goodness in life that you deeply care about that you want to spread around. For it’s the patience for the snowfall. And this lousy feeling of sadness will pass away. Somewhere something incredible is waiting to be known. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, I surprise myself.
Have you found your word for the year?