Friday, April 22, 2011

Myriad Thoughts and Bizarre dreams II

I had been the most affected with the Bhutanese Inconsistency Syndrome (BIS) because it has been almost six months since i have penned down my thoughts. In these last six months nothing came out of me. I also have no idea as to my whereabouts thus far.

One thing for sure: I haven’t been to Farmville, my crops must have withered and my poultry and piggery must have starved to death. Country life, I have forsaken totally. So where have I been so far?

Motivation comes and goes like a cat as it freaking pleases. My motivation to write is like a cat. :) With the expectation that normalcy would return I have been racing with life but there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. The race goes on and on…without a destination, with no purpose of its own.

Rather than becoming normal people who does and functions like one I have become a zombie literally. It is as if I am physically identical in all respects to a conscious person, but is not conscious. These last five months I haven’t been to bed before 4 am in the morning nor had I had a proper meal in two weeks time. It has become a topsy-turvy routine for me.

All these long days, weeks and months I have been waiting for sanity to come back. I have waited for “it” like a distressed lover, sick with laden love. The feelings are so intense, intense as that of the wife who waits for her husband’s return from the war. Sometimes it’s like waiting for Godot!

The essence of the very life seems distant. The earnest reading of The Words of  My Perfect Teacher transported me to a state of high spiritual ferment momentarily. My objective to read at the first instance was the exploration of the very heart and soul of things, the discovery of the real Power, the inner Being, of which the outward features of Mother Earth’s face and we beings, are mere expression. Dangerously thin and increasingly impulsive, my mind was journeying into the realms of mysticism.

Like Frankestein’s monster, I attempt to rediscover the person in me through the thick abyss of time. The more I attempt the more abstract it became, thus I gave up the labor. It has made me a modern Prometheus now.

Thou shall not judge thyself”  has become the 11th commandant and I vow to abide by it with no alternatives left.

My intense three months management research on Employee Empowerment in the Bhutanese Workplace thus concluded. Findings show that private sector employees are highly empowered than the civil servants in the Bhutanese workplace. Ironically, I am three weeks old in civil service now. How much more cynical can I be than this?

…to be continued.

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